-Nice place. -I've seen better.
Everybody downstairs.
-Good afternoon. -Afternoon, sir.
-Where do you want this? -Just through there.
Come on, you guys. I've got a surprise.
Want to place him right over here, sir? Here's a place.
Move it over here.
Sweetie, come away from it, please.
-What is it, Daddy? -Wait.
Thank you, sir. Enjoy your NDR.
North Am Robotics, household model, NDR-114.
Serial number 583625.
Hello.
Are you one's family?
I guess so.
-It's scary. -It's not scary. It's stupid.
I doubt that.
Jenny Harrison's family's got one. So did Kate McCalister.
-They're all the same. -What is it?
It's an android.
What's an Andrew?
Will that be one's name?
Why not?
Sounds good.
Hello, Andrew.
Hello, Sir.
Care to hear "The Three Laws of Robotics"?
It's said to be a most entertaining presentation.
Sure.
Will you step back, Sir, to maximise presentation?
First Law of Robotics:
A robot may not injure a human being...
...or, through inaction, cause a human being to come to harm.
Second Law:
A robot must obey all human orders...
...except where those orders come in conflict with the first law.
Third Law:
A robot must protect itself so long as doing so...
...does not conflict with the first two laws.
Andrew, don't ever do that again.
Of course not, Sir. It is a one-time only.
There is another option that one is obligated to point out.
You may have one with or without personality.
Would you care to see a demo of the personality chip?
No, thank you. We'll stick with what we've got.
A wise choice, Sir, if one may say so.
Well, you'll be staying down here.
Got everything you need?
One only requires access to a power outlet.
Good.
Good night, Andrew.
It certainly is, Sir.
No, Andrew, the correct response to "Good night" is "Good night."
-Good night. -Yes.
You just said, "Yes."
But the correct response to "Good night" is "Good night."
-Good night, Andrew. -Good night, Sir.
You only need to say it once.
Or one would be saying it forever, Sir.
In an infinite verbal loop.
Exactly.
Thank you, Sir.
Good.
Night.
Sorry, Sir.
Honey, I don't want it following me around the house all day.
Can't you turn it off?
Just give him a job.
You'll be okay.
Seat belts.
Good morning, Mr. Martin. Today's temperature will be in the high 70s.
Bye, Mom!
-Have a good day, sweethearts! -Have a good day, sweethearts!
-Andrew, this is very good. -Thank you, Sir.
-Don't you think? -I think it sucks.
Sucks? How? Chickens do not have lips.
She's being rude.
You mind your manners, young lady, please.
We're fine.
Indeed, you are, Sir.
The kitchen.
It's fine too, Sir.
No. Go to the kitchen now.
Hello.
Come on.
It's a big bluff.
Just a pretty face.
Check.
Andrew, could you come up?
-Should I? -It'll be fine.
Yes, Miss?
Would you please open the window?
One is glad to be of service.
A lovely breeze.
Now jump.
No.
Out the window.
-Did you hear something? -Was that an earthquake?
Sorry for the inconvenience.
May one reenter?
What happened?
For the sake of family harmony...
...one is programmed not to tell.
Amanda! Grace!
Downstairs right away.
-Come in, Andrew. -Thank you, Sir.
Andrew is not a person. He is a form of property.
One is not a....
But property is also important.
So from now on, as a matter of principle...
...in this family, Andrew will be treated as if he were a person.
There will be no more attempts to break him.
Break him?
Your sister tried to kill Andrew.
You, too?
Sorry.
Come on. Everyone up to bed.
Will you be all right?
One is capable of self-maintenance, Sir.
Good.
-Good night, Andrew. -Good night, Andrew.
Miss! One has been given specific orders for your safety...
...and that is an unsafe area. Now come down!
Okay.
Thank you.
"I think it's going to be sunny tonight."
"Me too!"
"So do I."
He's my favourite.
Pretty.
Would you like to hold him?
That was my favourite.
They don't even make him anymore.
Can it be repaired?
No, it can't!
You're screwed!
I hate you.
Get away from me.
Can we fix him?
No. Look at him. He's in a million pieces. I'm sorry.
There's nothing you can do.
Yes, Little Miss?
This is the best present I ever got.
One is glad to be of service.
Would you please come with me?
Does this involve a window?
No.
You can sit here.
His name is Woofy.
And from now on he's yours.
Woofy.
Because sometimes he barks.
Once he gets to know you.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
I have to go to sleep now, Andrew.
Yes.
Can you kind of....
Of course.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, Andrew.
-Little Miss. -Sure. Thanks.
Miss?
-After you. -Thank you.
You're welcome.
Andrew, did you really make this?
Yes, Sir.
A robot cannot tell a lie, Andrew.
That is not entirely correct, Sir.
One could lie if one were ordered to lie...
...or if it were necessary in order to keep a human being from harm...
...or for one's own safety.
One did indeed carve that for Little Miss.
-And you're responsible for the design? -Yes, Sir.
What did you copy it from?
Copy it, ma'am?
You didn't just get it out of thin air.
You got it out of some book, or you used the computer to plot it out.
One did nothing more than study the raw material for a time...
...until one came to understand how best to carve it into a shape...
...that would appeal to Little Miss' love of tiny mammals.
Yes, please, come in.
I'm so glad you called. Mansky. Dennis Mansky.
Richard Martin.
And an NDR-114.
Now, I got your message but what exactly is it doing?
What interests me is he shows a number of characteristics like creativity...
...curiosity, friendship that, frankly, have taken us by surprise.
-Andrew. -Yes, Dennis?
Social, as well.
Now, I'd like to show you something, if I may.
Andrew carved these.
These are original works of art.
And last night Andrew said, "I enjoy making them."
"Enjoy"?
-Should one not use that word? -No, it's fine, Andrew.
You see what I mean? It's unusual to hear a robot talk about enjoying something.
What I want to know is, do many of your other robots have feelings like this?
Must be something in the pathways.
So then, will you be wanting a refund or a replacement?
Neither. I just wanted to get your reaction to Andrew.
I want to know what you think. He's unique, wouldn't you say?
It is an anomaly.
No refund. No replacement.
How much do you want?
I don't think I understand.
Clearly you realise if word of this gets out, we'll have to recall our entire line.
We're in people's homes, sir, with their children.
If it is doing what you say, it can also run amuck.
One is not qualified to run mucks.
All right, sir. If I let you have Andrew, you'll what?
You'll disassemble him, will you?
Carefully, yes. We would need to trace the course of Andrew's neural pathways...
...replace the positronic brain and...
...put it...
...him back together and return him to you good as new.
Now, these neural pathways are presumably fragile.
Isn't it possible, in the course of these procedures...
...that something might go wrong?
We would make every conceivable effort.
In the unlikely event that something did go wrong you'd, of course, replace Andrew.
Of course.
Even though he's unique and irreplaceable.
"He." "His."
It's a natural error. It has human form, therefore you...
...read mechanical failure as eccentricity and anthropomorphise it.
It is a household appliance and yet you act like it is a man.
We're leaving. Come on, Andrew.
Please, I beg you to reconsider, Mr. Martin.
Let us examine Andrew. Talk to your wife. Name your price!
Now listen to me.
There is no price for individuality.
He is for better or for worse, my robot...
...and you'll never lay your hands on him. Do you understand?
All in good time.
You see sooner or later, you'll have to bring it in for repairs.
-I've made a decision. -Yes, Sir?
You will cut back on your workload.
You can no longer devote yourself entirely to children and housework.
But one likes the children, Sir. Specifically, the smaller one, Little Miss.
That is a contradiction and it is exactly the sort of thing you need to learn.
Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics.
-We need a new regimen. -Regimen, Sir?
First of all, you'll spend part of each day making something.
So as not to offend humans, we'll find something that's not overly artistic.
Could you make other things? I can teach you my line of work.
Timepieces and clocks.
One could not tell you. One has never attempted such things.
You will now.
Also, you'll spend part of each evening in instruction with me.
What is the purpose of this instruction?
To teach you all the things that haven't been programmed into you.
You're unique.
Unique?
Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics.
I feel a responsibility to help you become whatever you're able to be.
And what is one able to be?
Well, I don't know.
People grow through time.
But for you, time is a completely different proposition.
-For you, time is endless. -Endless?
-Is this a good piece? -Very.
-What about this one? -Excellent.
...and nine months later a baby is born.
And those, Andrew, are the so-called facts of life.
People actually do this, Sir?
Yes.
And married people.
One supposes they see it as some kind of requirement or obligation.
Well, it's not exactly an obligation.
That's a relief.
And it is the natural and preferable way to conceive children.
Sir?
Of all these millions of sperm, only one makes it?
That's true.
What happens to the others?
They die.
They die?
One feels badly for them.
Well, one does.
It's agreed that it feels good.
-For both parties, Sir? -In an ideal world.
People do it frequently.
How often, Sir?
As often as they can, as a matter of fact.
At least at first.
Sir?
-May one speak frankly with you? -As always, Andrew.
It's just that the whole process...
...it sounds so messy.
I think that's a fair comment.
They die.
It's called humour.
Humour?
People tell jokes to make each other laugh.
-And this laughter gives pleasure, Sir? -Yes.
Could you teach one to tell a joke?
Let's see....
Two drunks walk into a bar--
Wouldn't two drunks walk out of a bar, Sir?
You walk into a bar to drink, and you come out drunk.
Let's try something simpler, Andrew. Knock-knock.
No. Knock-knock, someone's at the door.
Shall one get it, Sir?
No, you say, "Who's there?" Andrew.
-"Who's there, Andrew?" -No. Just, "Who's there?"
One does not know, Sir.
We'll start with something a little simpler.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
One does not know. Possibly a predator was behind the chicken.
Or possibly there was a female chicken on the other side of the road...
...if it was a male chicken or, depending on the season...
...it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
To get to the other side.
"To get to the other side."
Why is that funny?
What do you kids have planned for today?
I'll probably stick around with Andrew today.
What about you?
I'm going to go play at my friend Natalie's house.
May one, Sir? Is now a good time?
What? A good time for what?
-Last night, Sir taught-- -No. Don't blame me, just go ahead.
Thank you, Sir.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What's a brunette between two blondes? Translator.
Why don't the blind skydive? It scares their dogs.
A man with dementia is driving on the freeway. His wife calls and says:
"I heard there's someone driving the wrong way."
He says, "One? There's hundreds!"
What's silent, smells like worms? Bird farts.
An engineer must have designed the human body.
Who else would put a waste-processing plant next to a recreation area?
A woman goes to a doctor who says, "Mind if I numb your breasts?"
"Not at all." "Num, num, num."
One did it, Sir.
It was fine, but we might want to talk about...
...appropriateness and timing.
It's 10:15, Sir.
Would you like me to teach you how to play a duet?
-Certainly. -Come on.
Okay, ready? You start here.
And then just follow me. I play first.
Ready?
Your turn.
Good.
Very good. Now together.
That was wonderful. Thanks.
Thank you, Little Miss.
Hi, Mom.
Grace, is it possible for you to find somewhere more private to do that?
No problem. Give me your credit disk, and we'll get a hotel room.
What did you say to me?
Let's go.
What did you say to me, young lady?
You get off that bike this minute, and you are grounded!
Go on, get out of here, you piece of scum!
Does this look right?
-Hi, Mom. -Didn't you talk to her about that boy?
Well, not yet. But I will.
Kind of hoping it's a phase that'll pass, like the others.
I am so sick of these damned clocks!
I've already given half of them away.
Perhaps we should sell them.
Sell them?
It's an idea.
Who gets the money?
Well, I imagine we will.
But Andrew does all the work.
-But Andrew is our-- -Then Andrew should get the money.
Andrew is a robot.
What conceivable use would a robot have for money?
Robots don't go shopping.
Robots don't go on vacations.
Robots don't eat dinners in fancy restaurants.
I can't believe we're having this discussion.
It doesn't matter what he is.
Andrew deserves to benefit from the work he does.
Sweetheart....
I will do what's right for Andrew, of course I will.
At the end of the day, we are talking about a machine.
You can't invest your emotions in a machine.
-There you are. How are you? -Good morning.
-This must be Andrew. -Andrew, Bill Feingold, family lawyer.
You own one of my clocks.
This is one of my favourites. Do you enjoy it?
Yes, I do very much.
I like the new office, Bill. What floor are we on?
Thirty-seventh.
Andrew, come and have a look at this.
No, thank you, Sir.
-Sure? -No.
How can I help you?
As you know, Andrew has earned a great deal of money from his endeavours.
And what he really wants is to open his own bank account.
A bank account in the name of a robot.
Would that be legal?
I couldn't say. There are no precedents.
I don't think there's a law against it, but....
Why do you want to give him a bank account? What's he need money for?
To pay for things which, otherwise, Sir would have to pay for.
One would like to pull one's own.
Weight.
For what, Sir?
Yes, Little Miss.
I'm so sorry.
Not to worry. It can be repaired.
Left.
Remember Frank, my boyfriend?
Yes. The one your sister says has a nice ass.
Last night, he asked me to marry him.
One gathers that is a good thing.
I haven't said yes yet.
So there is doubt.
No. Frank is wonderful.
He's handsome, he's reliable, he's somebody I could spend my life with.
-I could have children with him. -Then what is the problem?
Board?
-No. -Not him. There.
I have this friend that's very special to me.
And he's just so sweet and funny, and whenever I'm with him...
...I don't want to be with Frank.
One can see that would create a complication.
But the answer's staring you in the face.
Marry your friend.
What?
Well, he's not....
A relationship between us, it would be impossible, really.
-It could never work out. -Why?
Because he's not....
Because he'll never be....
Yes?
Is something wrong?
No.
Nothing is wrong. Nothing at all.
Thank you for listening to me.
One is glad to be of service.
Little Miss?
What will you do about Frank?
Accept his proposal.
Really?
Humans....
It would mean so much to me if you would be an usher at my wedding.
One is unfamiliar with this term. How does one ush?
You help people to their seats. You wear a tuxedo.
One would wear clothing?
Yes.
One has never been asked to wear clothing.
It would be an honour.
Great!
One still is all thumbs.
Installed what?
An alarm.
If you try to enter Andrew's brain while you're making this repair...
...the police will be alerted.
Also, you should probably know that...
...if you injure Andrew's brain or positronic pathways in any way...
...my lawyer, the good Mr. Feingold, will be happy to sue you.
He will sue you for the lost value of Andrew's income until the end of time.
I think we understand each other.
Good.
Sir, one more item of business.
As long as one is in the shop, can you do work on one's face?
One wishes to have more expression.
One has thoughts and feelings that presently do not show.
You want your thoughts and feelings to show on your face?
Yes, like the contempt that you are showing me right now.
We have done some experimentation.
We are able to give robots superficial responses which mimic human expression.
One has read that there have been NDR upgrades.
Yes, we've worked up a dozen experimental models...
...with expression capabilities, sleeker body types.
We ran some market surveys and decided not to go ahead with the line.
Why not?
Negative consumer reaction.
There is a fear that robots will continue to make the human work force obsolete.
Andrew has worked for me for 15 years. No one will lose their job to him.
Surely there's no concern performing these modifications on an old-style robot?
True. But procedures like that would be prohibitively expensive.
It is understood that you will attempt to rivet one.
-"Screw," Andrew. -Really? How much?
That is roughly one's monthly salary.
That's more than I make in a year.
Not bad for, what did you call him last time we were here?
Household appliance.
-Household appliance? -Household appliance, yes.
May the peace of the Lord be with you always.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride now.
It is my pleasure to present Mr. And Mrs. Frank Charney.
Good evening, Sir.
Magnificent night.
You look very sharp this evening, Andrew.
Thank you, Sir.
It was quite challenging for the tailor.
May one continue wearing clothing, if it suits you?
Are you serious?
As always.
Well, I suppose so.
We'll have to find you some other stuff. You can't wear tails all the time.
Really? How sad.
-Sit down, Andrew, please. -Thank you, Sir.
It was a wonderful wedding, wasn't it?
Oh, yes, Sir.
And, if one may say, you are a spectacular dancer.
That's very kind.
Not at all, Sir. It's the truth.
Did you record the day?
Every second, Sir, is in one's memory bank.
Well, let's watch it, shall we?
Is everything all right?
They've both gone now, Andrew.
Things change. Things always change.
People move on, as it should be.
But what I realised today is that...
...l'll never stop missing them.
One is still here.
One is glad of that, Andrew.
Thank you.
-Good night, Sir. -Good night, Andrew.
Lloyd! Come here!
What did I tell you about throwing sand at people? What did I tell you?
Now apologise to Andrew.
I will not apologise to it.
-Him. -It!
Sorry.
One understands why some animals eat their young.
I'm so sorry, Andrew.
Are you all right? You seem very quiet.
How does one obtain freedom?
-You wish to leave us? -Not at all, Little Miss.
One merely wishes to be declared free.
But why?
You have so much freedom here.
Until one is ordered to do something.
It's been years since anyone's given you an order.
But you may still request one to perform tasks.
We ask all the time, but it's a request, not an order.
That's not enough for you is it?
One has studied your history.
Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea:
Freedom.
And it seems that something that means so much to so many people...
...would be worth having.
Would now be a good time to speak with you?
It's always a good time. You know that.
It is everything in one's bank account.
Why would you want to give me--
To purchase one's freedom.
One wants to be free.
One would still obey the three laws, and serve you in exactly the same fashion.
The only thing that would change would be the form.
One would no longer be your property.
You want to leave. That's what this is about, isn't it?
Not at all, Sir. You are one's family.
Then why ask for this?
I see. You're in on this.
We've talked about it, yes.
So you ordered him to do it and he obeyed.
No. He makes his own decisions.
But you put the idea in his head.
No, Father. You did.
You've given him hundreds of books. It was just a matter of time...
...before he became intrigued by the idea of freedom.
He learns and grows all the time.
It's because of you, and Andrew's abilities...
...that he's become every bit as complex as we are.
Good morning, Sir.
You'll take your check back, please, Andrew.
Why, Sir?
You are free now.
I must ask you to leave this house.
But, Sir, I don't wish to leave.
You wished for freedom. You must accept the consequences.
Then I will remove my belongings.
Where would you go?
I will look for a residence nearby so if you ever need anything, Sir....
That will not happen, Andrew. Thank you. There's no need to be close by.
If you command me not to do this, I will obey.
I command nothing.
You're free.
Then, called or uncalled I am always at your service.
You've stopped referring to yourself as "one."
A home of my own.
I'm in here.
Is something wrong?
He asked for you.
It's time.
The robot's here.
Hello, Miss.
How are you, Sir?
I'm dying, Andrew.
Otherwise, I'm fine.
Wonderful to see you again.
I'm very happy to see you, Andrew. It's been a long time.
Yes, it has, Sir.
I wanted to tell you...
...that I was wrong.
You're never wrong, Sir.
Then don't contradict me.
You were right to want your freedom, and...
...l'm glad that you have it.
Thank you, Sir.